What is 2012 to me?

2012 had been a year of unexpectancies filled with surprises. In my January post, recalled I had so much hope that when Doc Tham's verdict for surgery was final on February third, uncertainties set in. I recalled was gathering information of how I might volunteer with Singapore International Foundation having attended their talk in January at the Arts House. I went with Dorothy who I have been praying for the healing of her right eye as a result of a nasty fall in September 2011 and her "craving portal" project.


After the myomectomy and the contract with Save22 concluded in February, God had the idea that I'd be equipped in the FCBS which I prayerfully obeyed. As I could not afford the fees for ACCM, God opened the Way. I paid $100 for the whole course in which I had benefited much in many aspects--including persecution. Praise God! Thank God for sending many young people in our midst for I have been greatly encouraged through them. Their never-ending energy, enthusiasm and zeal was so contageous that it still spurs me on to do things for God. The teachings by the pastors and marketpplace ministers also taught me much. It was a very wonderful interesting journey in which I learnt what a mission trip was all about. In fact, we felt it was more of a rest and relaxation outing led by Pastors Kang Ying, Catherine Foo and James Sng.


We went to Blakang Padang, an island in Batam in which We saw "Singapore" in the 1960s to 1980s. Although it was only from 13-14 July, we learnt much. Upon the completion of FCBS, God immediately opened the door to be part of the ministry team "Paradise Kingdom", formed by Sister Carol Chiam. Praise God for opening doors to five churches both in Singapore and Johore Bahru in which the mighty power of the Holy Spirit touched many lives who received Him as their Lord and Saviour. We only shared our testimonies in which God worked miracles. We are only His instruments, 2 Tim 2:20-21, "In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work". I know I am still being moulded by His hand that in time to come, I can fulfil His higher calling in my life. The same goes for Gilbert, Dominic, Abel, Auntie May, Tan Lily, David, Melvin, Nick and Sister Carol. Keep praying for each other.


On 20 December, I ran into a Thai lady who confessed that she was on her way to commit suicide. Thank God for His Wisdom that I talked her out of it, sharing God's love with her. I pray that as He used me to sow the seed, He will send someone to reap the harvest.


God opened doors in May and October in which sister Carol and I shared our testimonies at the Global Business Network and the Bukit Arang Church in which many business people and Mr Seah Kian Ping were touched through the move of the Holy Spirit.


Rene and I have been praying for each other these years since 2008. Thank God that He not only delivered him from a debt in which he did not owe but also blessed him with a job in China. Rene: if you happen to read this, still praying for you. May 2013 bring you greater success.


Thank God for Facebook in which I can still communicate with my cousin, Amy who migrated to the USA with her husband and girls. I realised we communicated more nowadays then when she was living here. Amy, keep safe and healthy.


The workfront saw several positive changes. Dialogue in the Dark remained constant, gave a few motivation talks on my own accord, has been blessed with a tutoring opportunity with KaiYu through Mr Carl Lim's article carried in Lianhezaobao on 16 October. I started a temp assignment with YuZhen Jie since Mmid September. She has been instrumental in ensuring my health improves after the myomectomy for she has been tirelessly seeking sponsors so I can continue taking the Fit Solution having seen and heard my testimony.


Praise God! This December was sort of different in which I was treated to at least eight feasts with the good news from Doc Tam that no new growth has been detected. Praise God that my next appointment will be in December 2013. I also had the opportunity to refer several friends to him who were very satisfied and happy with his services.


Meeting up with Samuel, Vera, Natasha, David and Eliot was the most joyous highlight for the month. The children had indeed grown, more matured  and learnt to care for one another. The parents confided that by giving the opportunity to stay abroad helped them to treasure what they have and own now. They shared that a bear nearly rampped down their door one night when Samuel attempted to capture a shot of it. It was a black bear. When he noticed flashes of light, it made a dash. Fortunately, his home was spared.


PangYing Jie and I met in Coffee Bean at the Rail Mall on 30 December in which we had a good catch-up session despite her busy schedule. We agreed to keep each other in prayer.


 I ended 2012 with a late meal at Pasta Mania with Jaafar, in which we had a great catch-up opportunity, returning home in time to watch the count down on tv with my mother. I have been blogging of acquiring a guide dog year in year out yet, no good news. Encouraged by friends, I returned to GDA in May but was told on 17 December that GDV deemed I am not suitable to have a guide dog at this point in time. Thank God, while a door closes, another window opens. Hopes this dream can turn into fruition in 2013 by His Divine Plan.


Although 2012 had not turned out to be as I expected, it was still a year I would remember. HongYi said in January that God will shake the whole world and it would begin with his children. Never in my wildest dream have I expected I would be one of those.

July-Sept 2012--Eventful and Interesting

The last post in June was short but captured what happened during the 2nd quarter. I made a lot of friends while studying at the Faith Community Bible School, (FCBC). I thank God that the church subsidised 90% of the course and I learnt insightful lessons from all the pastors and marketplace ministers. I now know I must be an effective instrument for God, if sharing the Gospel is not possible, using my personal testimony is an effective tool too. God spoke Words which I released to bless others, for example, in July the Holy Spirit prompted me to write to Dr Tham which I procrestinated for 4 weeks. When I finally obeyed, was surprised at the reply that came back. God is using me to be an intercessor, not only to pray for others but also to stand by them. The practicum of the course gave me more boldness to share Christ with others, which I did not have the courage to do so prior to the course.

 Although financially tough, God blessed me unexpectedly during the few instances, while going to work, people would pay for my taxi fares when I asked them for help to see bus number and unexpected love gifts of finances. God is good for He brought employers to offer me part-time jobs, with the completion of FCBS. I pray that God would help me to manage my time wisely, so I may glorify His name through my performance. Alvin had a mild stroke on 4 July but did not incapicitate him.

Thank God, he is still able to work and he allowed me to pray for him when he was hospitalised. I enrolled again with GDA in the quest for a guide dog. Thank Lisa, the O&M instructor who helped to perfect a few routes so I can travel more independently. All my dogs had been adopted, except one who is 3 months old. He is very sticky and adorable. My mum celebrated her 71 birthday last Saturday in which all the little ones had as much a great time catching up, like the adults.

 My Cousin, Amy migrated to the USA with family in August and I wish her all the best there. I also pray that the children could adapt to the environment and school, making new friends, at the same time not to forget her friends and relatives here. God, I commit my uncle and auntie into your hands; that you will be with them and heal them of the stroke and nerve problems. Lord Jesus, strengthen every cell, tissue, organs, the circulatory system, that they would eventually be able to manage themselves so cousin Lee Cheng can go look for a new employment and cousin Lee Ngoh can work with a peace of mind. I also pray for our families that you will visit those who are yet to know you that you will claim them for your Kingdom. I pray all these in Jesus' Name, Amen.

Exciting May and June 2012

I finished my last post being excited about registering in the FCBS. Praise God! FCBC granted me a 90% sponsorship. How time flies! I am now into the last week of the first term. Thank God for understanding pastors who not only allow me to hand in my assignment a little later but allow me to leave the class midway for work as I still need to sustain myself financially. There are so many exciting facets about the Bible that I now can understand a little more. God has been good too, always bringing blessings when I least expect.

A few instances when I left the class late. Strangers have been paying for the taxi fares when I approached them to see a particular bus number. Not only that, I also had more than $10 to keep, a big surprise!

Thank God that my thalassemia has been confirmed by Dr Tham during my post-op review on 12 June. Also thank God that He has cleaned my uterus, no more fibroids! Hallelujah!!! Doc Tham could see the Joy on my face and was happy that the nearly 9-year battle is eventually over.

The recovery process

Many friends had been concerned about the recovery after the myomectomy. Praise God that I could manage on my own starting from the 2nd day. Home coming was a joyful occasion as I can enjoy the luxury of being on my own bed, although was sleeping on my Mom's for about two weeks upon her insistence.

The last time she put me on a special diet but this round, I stopped it because a lot of attention to detail had to be observed. We had came to an agreement that I'd eat whatever she cooked, except seafood.

The last surgery, Dr Tham gave me laxatives to soften the stools. It was not to be this round. I suffered from bulks of constipation for five days, after more than three attempts on the fifth day then I could clear the bowers. Checked with a friend who had the same type of surgery a year ago. She conquered with me too. So, I was not travelling on the lonely road afterall. On the first week, had to empty the bladder hourly fearing the wound might be affected. Even sleep had to be disrupted too. Thank God, it's all over now and I could return to routine sleep hours.

As I had not experienced any pain, I started going out upon the removal of the surgical stockings and the plaster, which was about 18 days later.

Dr Tham asked me what I had eaten for the wound had healed very nicely. When I said, "No seafood," he said, "It's a chinese thing. You can eat anything". He also encouraged me to give Praise and Thanks to God for this miracle.

My fear was not with the surgery itself but the overdosage of the anaesthesia for I had heard of stories that some don't wake up from it. One of which happened to a friend's mother.

I spent 3rd April with Monica as it was her birthday. We had lunch at Compass Point and spent the greater part of the day catching up at her cosy home. We enjoyed the day although no birthday cake!

My cell group had an excursion at the Labrador Park on 7 April as a TGIF outreach event. Although only two visitors responded to the invitation, we had a great time despite the rain midway through the trail. We learnt more about this park and the significance it made to the early christians who came to Singapore to live or to trade. Dinner at the Bukit Panjang Hawker Centre was great for I shared a table with the children and noticed Kai had grown up, ordering his own food.

I commenced work at Dialogue in the Dark on 18 April. I took a few minutes to familiarise with the exhibition again. As I walked through the theme rooms by myself, the scripts gradually returned. Of course, the first tour wasn't as good as I had expected. Nevertheless, I was happy to resume work again.

Appreciate Wesley's staying behind to observe and providing positive feedback to help improve my tours for subsequent visitors.

About three weeks ago, I was constantly awakened by sharp pains from the left side of the incision. Sought Dr Tham's advice who told me that the intestines were making some adjustments. He also advised me to start light exercises to speed up the healing process.

Took his advice, the pain has gone. He also suggested me to start taking Evening Primrose Oil and Iron/Folic acid when I asked him which was good to take. He said, "Both also good for they regenerate the cells".

After the 2003 surgery, I had episodes of upper body cramps and he told me it was premenstrual syndrome. Then, he prescribed EPO which not only controlled hormone levels but also kept the growth of the fibroid at bay. I stopped taking it because the price had increased and I wasn't gainfully employed for a period of time.

From this episode, I realised that while I can live without somethings, some vital supplements are must have to keep you away from the surgeon's knife. This is especially true for me as it runs in my family. I am praying that this stops here and future generations will not suffer from this condition as medical costs is on the rise.

I had applied to the FCBS and am waiting for the result of my application. Hope this will come to fruition as I want to learn to be more attentive and sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Shall end here for now. Sayonara till the next post.

God's Grace, Goodness, Divine Healing and Provision

As Mentioned, Jun accompanied me for the pre-admission test on 28 February. The nurse brought us to the hospital side where I was given the estimated bill size, a bottle of laxatives and for the pre-admission test. The doctor who did the test was informed that the results needed to be out in 1 hour for I was slated to see Dr Tham who had instructed me the Thursday before that I should see him after the test, for he would give me more instructions to prepare for the surgery.

As I was not scheduled for an appointment officially, naturally, waiting time would take a little longer. Jun became a little impatient. After about 40 minutes, Dr Tham saw me. He instructed that I should begin bowel prep at home after dinner on 29 Feb when I asked, "Do I need to do bowel prep? I dread the solution. It was horrible the last round," Came the reply, "You can drink it with fruit juice to mask the taste. I want you to have a good rest after the operation. It is crucial for your recovery".

I asked, "Cannot eat breakfast like the last time?" He replied, "Take a light breakfast by 7am in the morning of 1 March." However, no fibre, milk nor dairy productes were permitted. He said, "Take a few crackers and drink apple juice. That will do," to my question, "What is light breakfast?"

Jun interjected out of concern, "If she wants to remove her womb, can she tell you on the day itself?" I said, "I have no conviction to have a hysterectomy. I know it will solve my problem once and for all, I don't want to put myself in an irreversible situation". He said, "I know this is very personal. Tell me what you want, I'll do it for you. It's ok that you don't have the conviction. Then, a myomectomy shall be it". Turning to Jun, continued, "Had talked it with her many times but she still wants to only have the fibroids removed. I respect her decision. Leave it to her".

I said, "I only have one request. Please talk to me before you all knock me out," to which he replied, "I will talk to you. Don't worry. I do everything by myself. This is not KK Hospital".

He asked, "Do you still have the surgical stocking and the binder with you?" As my answer was negative, he said, "We'll give them to you. You'll wear them at the commencement of the surgery.

Before I left the consultation room, said, "Doc Tham, I am having throat irritation leh. Can operate or not?" He said, "Oh no. Cannot leh. Is it very bad? I'll give you antibiotics. Take 3 times a day. It should be better by then".

Praise God! Dr Tham confirmed that the HB level had gone up to 9.2, therefore, no bt required.

I went to MediaCorp to collect a book and to Anna's's salon for a haircut. By the time I got home, it was past 4pm. While Jun was with me, she was very helpful by talking it through making sure it was what I wanted.

29 Feb was relatively quiet. I went about the house aimlessly, listening to a few audio books, spending my afternoon packing things for the hospital stay. I took the laxatives after dinner at 6pm, the cycle started at 6:30pm till 1:30am. I cried many times during these hours for the anus hurt a lot with each cycle. No one could help me. I knew I needed to be strong. Thank God no one knew my ordeal for I managed to hide from all of them.

Barely could catch some sleep after 2:30am to be awakened by 4:00am by my mom who was more anxious than me. Cousin Lee Cheng and Mong picked me up at 6:10. I was admitted at 7:07am on 1 March. The nurse oriented me about the room having changed into the hospital gown. She said, "Just call us when you need. We will help you. She placed the call bell under my pillow because this was the best place. One of them attempted to erect 2 cot sides for fear I might fall but I told her one side will do.

As my auntie was unwell too, I urged Lee Cheng to leave as I was settling well in the ward, 4D. I began texting friends for prayer support for I was gripped by fear.

She returned at 12 noon as the nurse told her earlier they would begin to prepare me at 12pm for the surgery was scheduled at 1pm. I knew it was scheduled at 2Pm for I arranged it by myself. No point arguing with the nurses as they were following orders (what was written in the case sheet).

Moreover, the call had to come from the operating theatre staff, located on the 2nd floor who needed to come to the ward to get me.

However, it was not to be. At about 11am, an Indian nurse came to shave the affected part. When it was nearly time, everything took off very quickly. After some formalities, I was transferred onto a trolley bed and wheeled to the operating theatre. Unlike KK Hospital where a patient would wait at the holding area, straight into the OT!

On the way there, she told me 2 doctors were waiting already, one of whom was Dr Tham, the other Dr Teo. Upon seeing me, "Hi Lee Lee, How are you feeling?" came the smiling familiar voice, with the machinery humming upon entry, replying, "Hi Doc Tham. I am apprehensive and fearful and I only managed to finish seven tabs of the antibiotics leh".

He answered, "I am glad you are fearful. If you have no fear, then, I don't want to operate on you. You may be a terrorist or a suicide bomber, carrying a bomb in here. Then, I scared of you. It’s good enough. Don't worry, just leave it to me. When you awake, everything will be all right. You just sleep. Dr Peh is your anaesthetist. She will make sure you are comfortable".

As he saw the nurses were having a little challenge transferring me onto the operating table, he walk across saying, "Don't do this. You will injure yourself and hurt her. Use the slide pad". Before I could react, He lifted me onto it, sliding me across very calmly and effortlessly, saying, "Did you sleep well?" As he proceeded to carry on what he was doing, I replied, "Could only sleep for about 3 hours as the cycle ended at around 1:30am".

Dr Peh approached, saying, "Hi Lee Lee. I am Dr Peh. I am the anaesthetist. Which hand do you want me to set the IV drip?"

I said, "The left hand."

She added, "The anaesthesia will cause some throat irritation for about a week. After this, you will be ok". She proceeded to set the plug, saying, "I am setting the plug now... It is done, I am pouring the solution, etc". Amazed, I said, "You already set the plug? How come there is no pain or feeling?" Everything happened at lightning speed from here on.

Just as she was cupping the mixture of gases over my mouth, Dr Tham quizzed, "Is she gone?" "no. keep on talking. She will be gone in a little while,. She replied.

"Beep, beep," when the first electrode was placed near the heart with the rest in their positions within 5 seconds. Dr Tham carried on engaging me in conversation, "How are you feeling now." to which I said, "My body is getting more tired. What happen ah?" He calmly said, "You didn't sleep well last night. Naturally, it is tired. Don't worry, just sleep ok, just sleep. You will be all right after that," and I was knocked off. While these were going on, another nurse was undressing me at the same time after putting on the surgical stockings. As I was being knocked off, I felt something was seizing me that could not be expressed by words. It was the sensation of someone gripping me by the right of the back shoulder bone.

I had no inclination of time when I heard my cousin's voice, "You are already on your bed and Dialogue in the Dark sent a hamper". I knew I just asked, "How is auntie and you go visit her. I am fine here. You go".

Next, I heard my mom and sister's voices. She said, "She is sleeping. She looks tired". I chased them to go visit my auntie; that I'll be fine resting. I told my mom not to talk to me as I was very tired.

Before long, "Hi Irene. She is my cousin. Thanks for taking care of her," (for she works at TMC), as another round of blood and temperature monitoring was going on. This would be the hourly routine for the next 24-36 hours. Cousin Stella and her mom came.

"She is doing fine so far," came the answer. "Don’t worry. We’ll ensure she is well rested," Replied the nurse.

She said, "You rest," when I told her I was very tired. "They giv you pethidine. This is very strong. Of course, you will be tired. They also give you 100% oxygen to ease your pain (I sensed two tiny something were placed in my nose). You just rest. Irene is the nurse-in-charge of this ward. You are in safe hands". Before they left, placed 2 angpaos on the palm of my right hand, which the nurse helped stuffed into my bag later that evening.

I was surprised to be given seeps of water at intervals in the ward. During the last surgery in 2003 at KKH, water was forbidden, except to hydrate the lips. Dr Tham came later that evening, he asked, "Have you started drinking water?" I replied, "Yes," with the nurse saying, "Yes, have given her at intervals. No vomiting and she is doing well".

He proceeded to look at the sanitary pad and abdomen, making sure my body was in working order. I realised the binder was already snugly in place around the abdomen, saying, "Ok, continue monitoring her. You rest well and I'll see you tomorrow morning". I said I was very tired to which he replied, "Of course you are tired. You just came out from the surgery. Don't think too much. Just rest. I come and see you tomorrow morning. Dialogue in the Dark sent you a hamper".

In comparison, this surgery was a more pleasant experience. No tightness around the abdomen nor pain since the first hours.

At around 7ish on 2 March, Dr Tham visited. He asked if I was ok throughout these hours. He said, "You did very well. No excessive bleeding. I shall start you on porridge this morning. If you can eat without throwing out, We can remove the tubes and switch to oral medication".

I said, "Doc Tham, why I don't experience any pain nor bleeding?" I asked because this one is a far cry from the previous one. He said, "This is not as major as that. You are bleeding. Don't worry. You are doing ok".

I asked, "Why I still feel so tired?" He said, "The anaesthesia hasn't wear off its effect yet. It will eventually go off".

My mom and sister came around 10plus while I was beginning to be more conscious as the anaesthesia begun to wear off. While she was helping me with lunch, Jaafar visited with gifts-- my favourite Arnolds tim Tams and grapes. Soon to be followed by Hong Yi and Kia Hui and Viola and Jun with chicken and fish essence.

Lee cheng and her maid left about 4pm and I had the rest of the day to myself.

One episode I would not forget: A church group came to visit a patient opposite me with holy water. While they were praying for God's healing to be upon her, I said to god, "Lord, I receive your healing".

A nurse helped me with my dinner and told me Dr Tham would not be visiting as it was already 6ish. I took the liberty to wash up. While in the bathroom, I heard his footsteps followed by, "Where is my patient? Lee Lee, where are you?" (‘oh no! Is the nurse wrong or…’) replying, "Doc Tham, I am in the bathroom." He replied, "I visit another patient first. You take your time. I'll come back".

He returned after a few minutes and asked, "You want to go home tomorrow as you are able to move around already?" (the nurses had removed the catheter around 2pm).

I said, "I don't know. The decision lies in you. You are the doctor." He replied, "I'll come and see you tomorrow morning and we shall take it on from there," to which I said, "Ok. Doc Tham, Can the plug be removed as I feel very handicap using one hand to feed myself". He gave the green light. After he left, the nurse removed it as instructed.

You can imagine my joy and relief. Immediately took my mobile phone, texting friends and relatives informing them I was fine, without any pain, announcing my discharge the following day, as if I was the doctor. Also Thanked Hong Yi and Kia Hui for praying and visiting.

I could not enter lala land till past 2am cuz the patient opposite me was snoring very loudly and the patient next to her had the volume of the tv set turned on relatively loud while she talked on the phone till then.

I hardly dozed off for 3 hours when a patient was admitted at 5am, on the bed beside me. Her mother and sister were with her.

When they had prepared her for the surgery, I went to the bathroom on my own about 7ish. Dr Tham arrived calling, "Lee Lee, Are you in the bathroom? Take your time, I'll come back". I was walking towards my bed upon his return, he checked the wound area saying, "You can go home. I shall issue you 2 months or you prefer one month first of hospitalisation leave?" I said, "One month first. See how I progress and we take from there. is it ok?" He consented.

I quizzed, "Why I have throat irritation?" (forgot Dr Peh’s advice). He said, “You will feel like this for a week. Continue to take the antibiotics. Doctor Peh give you the best medicine. Three types of painkillers -- Arcoxia, Ultracet and paracetamol, the ultracet is stronger and has morphine. If it's not too painful don't take it. I have given you a medication to remove the gases from your tummy. I will see you on next monday for wound inspection. Don't come on Saturday for it is a mad house. the clinic is packed on Saturdays".

I asked, "Doc Tham, the scar ...?" He said, "You are still a lance corporal. You are not promoted yet. Still the same place". I was amazed how it could be! It's really at the bikini line, same as the last time. I'll always remember these words, "You can wear a bikini. Just wear a biggir one lah huh!" The last time, as he needed to change the dressing to one what was waterproof, I could touch the wound. However, it was not possible this surgery.

One significant difference was no pressure dressing was place on the abdomen this round. The last time, I couldn't rest well as I felt the weight of it on the abdomen till the second day.

"How many ah?" I asked. "Seven. The big one was causing the problem. The rest are insignificant. I have taken them out. No mor".

After he left, one of the nurses came and spoke with me and was happy that I could be discharged so soon.

At around 11:15, thanked the nurses and left Ward 4D. After settling the bill, was given the appointed time to see Dr Tham on 12 March.

During these weeks, remained connected with my friends at DiD through Talk Box, talked with friends over the phone, while friends and church mates visited me.

Upon wound inspection on 12 March, Dr Tham was very happy with the recovery and no redressing was needed. The last time, he used absorbent stitches. However, this time, he needed to cut through two layers of dressing and cut the threads on either side of the wound. There was a little pull, "snip, snip," that was it! I asked if he was prescribing the Centella cream as he did the last round. "No need. The wound is healing very well and you are doing great!" came the answer. I said, "Doc Tham, I am ok now, right?" Grasping my anxiety, he replied, "I had done a clean up operation. You are all right already".

He placed a small transparent plaster over it, which was removed on 17 March, earlier than instructed, for he wrote, "Sure. Please be gentle to the wound after the plaster is removed". It was itching profusely since 15 March that I had to request for its removal. my next visit is scheduled in June. The stitches were excellent an the scar is barely visible. He gave me the histology report – 7 fibroids ranging from 0.5 to 5cm. In comparison with the last surgery had a solitary huge one, 14 by 9 by 3cm weighing about 900G.

I must praise God for Hisprovision and sending friends to rally around in prayer. Dr Tham is indeed god sent for he taught me to manage the wound even after the surgery, for at one stage, I was in great pain for a few hours and couldn't grasp how it could have happened. Recovery has been better than expected with 2 bulks of constipation which was resolved by taking prune juice as advised by Dr Tham. The nurses were great on their jobs, even as one of the nurses was wiping me down on the morning of the second day with the tubes and catheter still intact before Doc Tham's round and the food tasted much better than KKH. For the least, they treat a patient with dignity.

The final bill from TMC arrived today so I can claim from AIA. Thank God for the window of opportunity enabling me to take up an affordable hospitalisation plan in April 2010. The fibroid episode started at the beginning of June and it was 24 months later that I get to utilise it.

In July 2010, I was also diagnosed with a bulk of anaemia 5 days after I returned from the Hill Songs Conference in Sydney but couldn’t agree with Doc Tham to have a myomectomy or hysterectomy then as they were very small, one, below 2cm, the other 4.3cm. Concerned with the higher charges at TMC, he sent mme to KKH for blood transfusion and some tests from the 16-17 July. The service was so substandard that I had to call the service quality unit to express my disappointment and for the reports as the nurses told me I could only get to see the consultant in 3 months. Besides, every question directed would receive, "I don't know," as if it had been rehearsed. The doctor who processed my admission was so silly thinking I am also dumb, directing all her questions at Jasmine who accompanied me. I woke her up by shouting, "Am I dumb or are you deaf? Who was answering you all this while!"

Upon this, I am convinced to follow Doc Tham even though he had gone into private practice. I was prescribed four doses of GNRH analogues via two japs which shrinked the fibroids, the smaller one disappeared altogether, the bigger one shrunk to about 3cm, at the posterior of the womb.

In December 2011, it had remained. I couldn’t fathom that it could proliferate so quickly that I became anaemic within 8 weeks for I did not have heavy menstrual bleeding, no clots or inter-menstrual bleeding, cramps, bulks of uncontrollable diarrhoea or constipation, urinary frequency and urgency, Abdominal discomfort or bloating, back ache, loss of appetite, nor fainting spells -- symptoms of fibroid proliferation.

Diagnosis/Denial/divine Intervention/acceptance/Date confirmed

I left off in January stating that my HB levels had gone down on the wrong end of the swing. Email Dr Tham replying, "You are probably bleeding fair amount during your periods.
Taking red meat , liver and spinach helps but you need to plug the bleeding. Otherwise, the blood your body made would eventually bleed away.

You can consider taking hormones to control period, or in the worse situation, surgery, to stop your period".

Spoke with him on the phone on 1 Feb. Then, his suggestion was I go consult him to do another hb count using it as a base, another cycle of GNRH and track the progress.

I dreaded the side effects the last round -- insomnia, extreme mood swings, hot flushes, persistent perspiration, etc. It lasted 9 months. Still, I agreed to go see him on 3rd Feb.

However, upon entering the consultation room, He said, "I want to scan you. It is better." I replied, "I thought you want to do an hb level count?"

He asked, "Where was the blood count done," to which I said, " Hougang Polyclinic".

He said, " OPD, I trust. They are very accurate. You go drink some water and I'll see you later".

During the scan, "It has grown in size, about 6.5 to 7cm with another 6-8 smaller ones sprouting. I can see another 2 tiny ones popping up at the front already," came the rude shock!

I said, "Huh, so fast? You said it was very good in December 2011. How come so fast, 8 weeks only? He said, " Fibroids can proliferate very quickly. No explanation could be given one. When was the last surgery?"

"nearly 9 years. the last one was on independence day in 2003".

He said, "You have taken care of yourself very well already. Fibroids usually resurface between 2-4 years. Be happy that you have maintained it consistently for these years".

So how? Still GNRH?"

"No! surgery the only option. If we do not plug them out now, more will surface and you'll be more anaemic, putting yourself in danger." came the answer.

I continued, "Huh? Laparoscopy can or not?"

He said, "cannot leh, either a myomectomy or hysterectomy. Because it is an abdomenal scan, I can't see clearly if there is any at the back of your womb. For a thorough job, a myomectomy has to be or you want a hysterectomy, which will eliminate this problem once and for all. Only the womb is removed. You still have your ovaries, hence, no menopausal symptoms".

When I sent him the email in December 2011, I had the impression that I was ready for surgery to remove the monster. However, it proved otherwise. I broke down straightaway, saying, "Dr Tham, I'm confuse," when he said, "Do you want a hysteractomy or myomectomy?"

As I went alone to consult him, the decision lied heavily upon my shoulders.

He suggested that I go KK Hospital for the surgery to save money but I refused because I had myself covered with a hospitalisation plan, and it's time to exercise this part of my bargain. Furthermore, in 2003, God had spoken clearly to me that he will be my gynae. The last experience staying in KK Hospital in July 2010 really sucked and I didn't like to be treated as a second class patient, for one nurse said, "Your consultant does not see subsidised patients".

Moreover, a "kaleidoscope" of imageries of the 2003 surgery gripped me immediately, especially These words by an indian nurse "Miss, You must pray to your God that you will come out alive" at the holding area, the doctor’ss trial-and-error of setting the IV drip, the 8 hours or so of blood transfusion, the 6-hour of bowel prep and so on haunted me in quick succession. Oh yes! How could I forget the food quality?

Fibroids affect 1 in 4 women, especially, when it's hereditary. It is the result of the muscles in the womb proliferating uncontrollably, feeding on memstrual blood.

Seeing that I was breaking down, he said "Cry first. I know it's hard to take it. Don't be confuse. Tell me what you want done, I'll do it for you".

I answered, "Doc Tham, I don't know. I am really confuse. What shall I do?"

He continued, "This is a very personal issue and emotional too. I had taken out 45 fibroids from one lady, still, she wanted to keep her womb. I had also removed 1 fibroid from another who wanted her uterus removed.

I quizzzed, "Doc Tham, I need blood transfusion, is it?" He replied, "Yes. I'll requisite 2 pints. You need to come on the 28 Feb for pre-admission testing. We need to do a cross match". I said, "Do you think my hb level can reach a level the blood transfusion may not be required?" "It may not be possible. Do whatever you can to increase your hb level. We'll see on 28 Feb, ok? The nurse at the counter will help you with the admission procedure and the bill size. You talk with her. She will fit my schedule. Don't think too much. Everything will be ok."

Lingering another 10 minutes in his consultation room searching for the answer, his verdict was final. So, me off to the counter to work out the estimated bill size and deciding on the date of the surgery.

Dorothy shocked me, "Your estimated bill size is between 10,000 and 20,000 dollars". I asked, "How come such a big difference? I only want a 4-bedder and 3day and 2night stay. Can you rework this again and itemise for me? I know complications would incur more cost".

Initially, I chose 23 February but changed it as I knew I would not be ready mentally.

1 March 2012, it shall be.

When I told my mom, she was in favour of the surgery, even wanting me to have a hysteractomy instead. During this periodd, I heard a lot of "noises", especially, from my cell leader and his wife.

When I told my cell group, requesting them to stand by me, my cell leader texted, "You may also need to give up some of your hurts. Sometimes, it is the past that eat us up," "No, not any particular person but society. Ppl in general. People that treat you differently, etc," not what I was expecting. I became more confused when someone said, "Why not a keyhole one? Doctor can do it via the bottom, my polyp was removed this way".

During these weeks, more emails were traded, like, "Ok Lee Lee. You still believe that this is the way forward. And it be open surgery instead of keyhole surgery?"

I had to explain. Even on 27 February he was still quizzing my decision.

Another friend asked, "Why you want to keep your womb? It has only three purposes -- to carry a fetal to term, shed the inner lining every month and it is a hot bed for cancer". However, she u-turned and encouraged me throughout, called me on 29 Feb, praying with me over the phone.

I signed up the G12 conference with the hope of receiving divine healing there. However, God's way was always not ours; I attended the Israel Haughton concert on 16 and the first session of the conference on 17 Feb. During the night, I was attacked with a bulk of fatigue, a feverish-like and an explained tired came over my body. I couldn't wake up till past 2pm.

On Sunday, I attended the Chinese service at Touch Centre but couldn't go to the conference at the Expo Hall 2 for I was shivering throughout the service, considering the aircon was not cold for every service I attended and have been attending. Hence, divine healing????

However, encouragement from Gwen, Monica, Mindy, Nancy, collette, my cousin, Lee Cheng and some others really helped me to be more positive.

To minimise the chance of needing blood transfusion a third time, I started taking the iron folate acid and protein powder from Amway, while my mother started diligently boiling Red dates, wulfberries and dansheng consistently to boost the hb levels, plus eating a moderate amount of liver.

Thank God, Jun accompanied me for the pre-admission testing on 28 March. While waiting for the result of the blood test, Isaiah 40:10 sufficed when a friend and dear colleague texted me, putting me at ease. What's more, Dr Tham confirmed that the HB level had increased, therefore, no bt required. Praise God!

While I was fighting this battle, asking God for a divine way out, work for the Lobangclub and DiD carried on per normal. Guyi and I went to promote Lobangclub at Y.E.S.933 during the night programme on 20 Feb. We were talking about the Lobangclub for about 45 minutes with songs playing in between. I informed Glen, Hwee Ley, Han Wei and Wesley in February of my leave of absence in March.

Eventually, my cell leader encouraged me by sending me a song by Scott Wesley Brown "He Will Carry You Through". As I listened attentively to the song meditating on the lyrics, God's presence enveloped me and I had His Peace which surpasses all understanding as I rested on the hospital bed, although I don't understand why I had to undergo this a third time and to surrender to His Will for this yet again.

As an answer, God sent this via NanSheng Gege on 29 Feb,
My friend,

If you walk, you will be able to see the budding of the trees in the early spring.
If you walk, you will be able to hear the birds squatting on the branches singing.
If you walk, you will be able to feel the warmth of the sun in the cool morning.
If you walk, you will be able to talk to Ellen.
She is digging her tulips from the ground to her pots.
She doesn’t want to violate the rules!
Oh, she said it was not about rules but obedience.
Why struggle with it for the few roots of tulips?
There is always a way in obedience.

If you walk, you will be able to meet me with God walking alongside and a day begins with fresh perspective.

If you walk, don’t walk too fast, enjoy!

Stay tune to my next entry where I would share about my ordeal and recovery.

January 2012

Just as I was so full of hope that 2012 will be a good year, received a rude shock today from the Hougang Polyclinic.

So far, January had been keeping me busy, both in the Lobangclub front and Dialogue in the Dark. This year's lunar new year arrived early, of course, entertaining kids as usual. On day 2, visited Andrew, which I had been putting on hold for a while.

The rude shock Was that my HB levels has gone down the wrong side of the rollercoaster. Although doctors in the polyclinic insisted I should be awarded into a hospital for blood transfusion, I chose not to. It had been barely 18 months from the last transfusion ... Phew!

I believe this is a spiritual attack, especially, interceeding for Dorothy has played a big part in my prayer, besides upholding Siao Peng, Colette and others, including my family's salvation.

I emailed Doc Tham who replied with a few suggestions, wondering if I should go consult him on Friday? Hmm!

Supposed to watch "The Lady" with Pamella and other ladies at GV Vivo this evening but received news the screening has to be cancelled pending approval from MDA, sigh! Having read much about the Burmese history during school days kinda kindled my interest to watch this show.

Time flies and tomorrow will be the end of January, another month. Treasure every moment and make the best we can.